Monday, July 17, 2017

I'M TOO GROWN FOR THIS SHIT!

Warning, if I see gold fronts in your mouth, I'm gonna automatically thing you're a lessor and turn and walk away from you at any moment during the conversation. I'm too old to be subject to the foolishness of the world.

 
Have you ever had and epiphany about your life? It seems like I’m getting one every day. Being 35, married with a preteen child and one on the way, there is one thing that stays in the forefront of my mind. I am simply too grown for this shit. At a certain point and time in everyone’s life, you must grow the hell up in both thoughts and deeds. I was having a conversation with some friends on the 4th of July and we seem to agree that the things that we used to do made no sense and aren’t important any more. When we were younger, responsibilities were not a driving factor in making decisions. There were times that I would drink and smoke every day. There were times when I would let bills go late so I could do hood rat things with my friends. Hell, there were even times where I would sit in bars and restaurants until midnight because I needed my direct deposit to hit before they swiped my card and I got embarrassed. You know you ain’t shit when you write bad checks just to get something to eat at Sonics. Matter fact, some of us are still getting gas on the credit option at the pump because we know that if there is a dollar on that debit card, we can get a full tank and 3 to 5 days to come up with the funds to pay for it. No? So that’s just me? Oh, OK. Liars.
 
These days, I dread every invite that comes to my phone. Shit if it ain’t your birthday or your wedding, I’m hoping that a cancellation text comes a day before the event. It takes too much damn thinking and energy to figure out the logistics of trying to attend your event, trying to find room in the discretionary budget, and fight heat and traffic of Atlanta. Bitch I’m fat and these under tiddays get to sweating at the thought of being in the heat longer than humanly possible.
 
Even if I come to the event, I’m looking for the first person to leave so I can follow right behind them. I kid you not, before every event, the Duchess and I have a prolific and in depth conversation on if we really want to go and how long we will stay. I’m old and my time is valuable. Love and Hip Hop ain’t gonna watch itself and I can’t let the DVR get pass 30% or the Duchess will start yelling at me that I’m recording too much shit.  Which brings up the issue of time. Bitch, be on time! I understand that shit happens, but if you schedule an event from 7 to 10 on a work night and are casually late because you across the street eating, trust and believe, we are throwing those deuces as soon as we see you and let you know that we were here and ON TIME! That late shit ain’t cool and I literally will not give you the time for it. Be fucking thoughtful of my time or better yet, don’t invite me. I’m about 85% sure that the Duchess and I didn’t want to be there anyway. I love you guys but I really enjoy laying around my house in my draws snacking on edibles and drinking some good brown.
 
I also have a low tolerance for young people. They get on my fucking nerves. If I hear that shit was, “Lit” or “It was a movie” one more damn time…  Ain’t shit lit about a sweat box and a chick twerking on you and all your homies in the club. Then you are popping bottles in VIP. Well good for you! You and your 10 friends can all put in $20 to get 2 little ass bottles of Ciroc! Team Litty huh? At the end of the day, all of you got there before 10, ain’t got no real money and probably staying in a 2-bedroom apt with 3 roommates and no real furniture. You know what’s better than being lit? Credit bitch! Was it really a movie or just a series of you and your friends posting pics of the same scene from different angles? Remove the filters, change the caption, and look at your reality. Nigga, Instagram and Snapchat stories don’t make you Steven Spielberg and your timeline will never be Oscar worthy. Put that shit on YouTube and let it get lost in space like the sense none of you seem to have.
 
The people in my circle get it. We understand that there is a high possibility that we may not show up to your shit. We also understand that lack of physical presence does not mean that we don’t love and care about each other. When shit hits the fan, we know that we will be there. We celebrate your engagement by sending you a personal text. We will celebrate your new house by not coming over unannounced or by signing our names in random spots in it. We will celebrate your new baby by not calling it ugly to your face. The shit real friends do! We will also visit you in the hospital. We will check on you randomly for no reason. We will pray for you. We will have a Nigga Moment just to protect your short ass in the middle of the alley in downtown Atlanta. Why, because that’s what grown people do. Know your demographic, act accordingly, and dress your mutha fucking age Floyd Mayweather. We too grown to be wearing backpacks especially if we can’t even read.
 
I’ve been ratchet a long time. Nothing much has really changed. I was looking at my Facebook Memories the other day and a note that I wrote years ago popped up. I wanted to let you guys see where I was then and where I am now. I’ve been too grown for this shit for years!
 
[Duke], Are You Coming to the Club? HELL NO!
So, I was talking to my friend today and he asked me why I never go to the club. It’s not that I don’t go to the club; it’s just that I think that clubs and parties are truly overrated and I could be doing more productive things with my time and energy. If the club is your thing then do you, I’ll see you if I’m ever pressured into going. So just to humor my friend I’m writing another LIST! lol
REASONS YOU WON’T FIND [DUKE] AT THE CLUB!
1. SHIT! I CAN’T FIND GAS TO GO TO WORK, AND U WANT ME TO WASTE MINE GOING TO THE CLUB!?
2. I’M FROM MS AND I’M NOT USED TO PAYING FOR PARKING! THAT SHIT IS CRAZY!
3. $10 TO $20 DOLLARS TO WALK IN THE CLUB AND I CAN’T GET A CUP OF ICE?
4. I HATE WAITING IN LINE; I’M A RIGHT NOW MAN.
5. DON’T YOU SEE THE SAME PEOPLE IN THE CLUB THAT U SEE EVERWHERE ELSE.
6. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHO MAY SHOW UP; GET OFF THE CELEB'S JOCK.
7. I DON’T LIKE RANDOM PEOPLE NEAR OR TOUCHING ME.
8. THE CLUBS ARE FUCKING HOT AS HELL.
9. IF I WANTED TO STAND SHOULDER TO SHOULDER WITH OTHER PEOPLE, I WOULD HAVE PROLONGED THOSE 6 WEEKS, 1 DAY . . . BLUUUUUUUUUU PHI!
10. I GOT A COOL CHICK AND DON’T NEED TO GO TO THE CLUB TO SEE HALF NAKED CHICKS, I CAN DO THAT AT SOUTHLAKE MALL, AND HAVE A BETTER VIEW!
11. I KNOW IT’S SECURITY JOB TO PAT U DOWN, BUT DAMN IT, ITS A FULL MOLESTATION NOW.
12. I’M OLD AND I DON’T WANT TO BE AROUND A BUNCH OF 19 AND 20 YEAR OLDS.
13. WHO THE HELL ARE U TRYING TO IMPRESS, POPPIN BOTTLES WHEN U KNOW BROKE AS HELL.
14. UMMMM . . .$8 FOR A MIX DRINK? . . . .OR $8 FOR A WHOLE BOTTLE OF LIQUOR? . . . WHICH ONE SHOULD I DO? . . .
15. PRE GAMING IS DANGEROUS . . . BUT DO U.
16. THE ATL SHUTS DOWN AT 3:30, I’M STILL WIRED! SO BACK TO MY HOUSE TO FINISH MY OWN LIQUOR.
17. DUMB ASS PEOPLE THROWING UP BEFORE THE PARTY EVEN STARTS . . .YES DUMB ASS FROM BLU JAMA WHO DECIDED TO THROW UP ALL OVER THE FRONT OF THE LINE! I’M TALKING ABOUT U! AND IF I KNEW YOUR NAME, I WOULD TAG U!
18. WHAT REALLY MAKES THE CLUB HOT? . . .IM STILL TRYING TO FIND OUT . . .
19. 40 DAMN FLYERS ALL OVER MY CAR WHEN I GET READY TO LEAVE! WTF! ISN'T THAT SOME KIND OF TRESPASSING?
20. THE WACK ASS DJ, WHO WON’T SHUT THE HELL UP! LET THE SONG PLAY!
21. THE WACK ASS DJ WHO DOESN’T’ KNOW HOW TO MIX . . . STOP MIXING SONGS THAT ARE IN TWO DIFFERENT KEYS! IF U ARE A TRUE DJ, THEN U KNOW WHAT THE HELL I’M TALKING ABOUT!
22. WHERE THE HELL IS THE REGGAE SET! AND JUST BECAUSE U PLAY DUTTY WINE AND 3 SEAN PAUL SONGS DOES NOT COUNT! U SUCK!
23. MUST WE GET A REPLAY EVERY HOUR . . . DIDN’T I JUST HEAR THIS SONG 30 MINS AGO!
24. NO I’M NOT BUYING U A DRINK . . . DO I LOOK LIKE T PAIN, STOP BRINGING YOUR BROKE ASS TO THE CLUB! I GOT RENT TO PAY!
 
SO, HELL NO I’M NOT GOING TO THE CLUB!
 
 
 
Sophistication:
Enjoying quality time at home with your family
Ratchetness:
Doing it with no regards to how you look and smell under the thought, “Bitch I’m at home!”
 
Now put them together… Sophisticated Ratchetness!!
 
 

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Let The Color Purple Guide You


Greetings and salutations good people. I know it has been a while since you have heard from me. There’s a reason for that…. A nigga been busy! I ain’t just sitting around like the stars of my 600 Pound Life, though a nigga has been eating quite well. How yawl doing? Lol.

When I started this blog, it was supposed to be an outlet for my emotions and a way to deal with the bullshit floating around in my mind. Well, my life has been on an upward swing and with the help of sporadic mgs of my crazy pill, some edibles, and my psychiatrists: Rose Nylund, Iyanla, and Social Media Life Coaches, the bullshit has been flushed away for the most part. Needless to say, with clarity of my mind, there has not been a major need to write. For the most part, I think that’s a great thing. My friends may not think so, since I spend so much time trolling the hell out of their posts on Facebook and Instagram. I’m sure I’ve been on the cusp of getting blocked multiple times, but whatever, y’all love me. I do it because I really have nothing to do and I’m just sitting at my desk Bojangling my ass off for the good white people that cut my check every 1st and the 15th. Hell, I done snuck my way into this department and I’m going to ride this good money train and FMLA until I get tired of them and decide to live on welfare and disability. Meanwhile, y’all need to read The Spook Who Sat by the Door. Don’t be lazy, use your Googles and find out the rest.

I never wanted to write for the sake of writing, I wanted to write about things that were passionate to me. I want nothing in my life to be forced, so I refused to pen a blog post for the sake of quenching the thirst of an audience that is here for authenticity. I’m quite sure you can quench that thirst with the million and one blogs and podcasts that I see on Soundcloud every Tuesday and Thursday. Me, I’m like Aunt Bertha. Sitting in the corner old and ornery, drinking my good brown liquor, talking shit under my breath, rolling my eyes, waiting on someone to ask me to make the ribs for their BBQ. In the words of Cookie, ‘YOU GON WAIT!”

I told y’all that I would try to hit y’all with a blog post at least once a week. Yea I lied. I know… woo woo woo, tidday rub… you ok now? You feel better? I will however, try to write more often than I have. I’m in a great place in my life. I’m still shading your fave and all that good shit. Lord knows y’all still shading mine. We still mad at Chrisette and her Basquiat skirt or nah?... And I’m still passionate about some things. One of those things is the best movie ever made, THE COLOR PURPLE!!!

If you didn’t know, The Color Purple is my favorite movie and if it is not in your top 10, you can just go ahead and log the hell off! This blog post will not be for you! No, please stay, I need these likes and numbers!

The inspiration for this blog post came from a weekly podcast that I listen to every Tuesday, THE BABYBOY PODCAST. Baby Boy 1, cohost of the show, started singing GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. Lawd I thought they were about to go in and I was about to get my life and knock down everything in my cubicle. Oh but no, Baby Boy 2, the other cohost, stepped in and asked, “Where is that song from?” When I tell you that Baby Boy 1 had no damn clue, my heart sunk all the way down I-75. I was so hurt that my favorite podcast host did not know about the origin of the one of the greatest gospel songs ever written. Then, Baby Boy 2 said something that made everything all better, “I want y’all to DRAG HIM FOR THIS!” I stopped everything I was doing and got right to the dragging. And because we are a society of receipts, I’ve pulled it just for you. Episode 91 of the Baby Boy Podcast entitled “Stop Overdrafting Down at McDonalds”, I penned a response to BB1’s foolishness for everyone that has ever watched and listened to Shug Avery sing and felt the slightest emotion.

”THE MUTHA FUCKING COLOR PURPLE! how could your black ass not know our black film history! what you need to do is put that liquor down and get into your googles and dont ever disrespect the SHUG and the AVERY every again in your life! All our life we had to fight and the least you can do is know who the hell is sanging that song! and when you get done with your googles, you need to fill this damn tub with some fresh HOT water and some of that good bathing oil and scratch this scalp!! are you with us now? no? or could i say HELL NAWL!!! then once you get you mind and your heart right with the Good Jesus, take your ass down to the JUKE and the JOINT and bask in the after glow of a good healing and a song dedication to the incomparable CELIE!!! cause you never know when you might have to take a long walk up a dirt road just to remind your Daddy that SINNERS HAVE SOUL TOO! BB1 get all of your life!!! and i mean RIGHT NOW! MAKI DA DA! The Color Purple is LEGENDARY!!! Lol

and once you get all of your life, come on out to the front porch and watch all of this beautiful ass fabric blow in the wind! just majestic and shit. just flapping and shit. just being royal and shit! and let a tear drop with a mighty NETTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE leaves the throat of a woman who has survived the unimaginable! I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. BUT YOU GONE TAKE NOTICE ON TODAY! God is truly trying to tell you something!! RIGHT NOW!! Man listen, i love y’all but my heart is disappointed lol”

And just like that, the conception of this blog post was embedded in the uterus of my mind. So here’s 8 Purple Quotables to Live Your Life.
Quote 1: “Nothing but death can keep me from it!” There are 2 things that will surely happen in life. You will be born and you will die. What you do in between is up to you. There will definitely be obstacles, people, places, and things that will try to stop you from reaching your destiny. As long as you have breath in your body, you have time to fulfill your dream and nothing but death can stop you from getting there. Please believe me, I know. When you have been 24 hours from death like, I have, you start to look at things differently. Instead of blaming people, places and things for my lack of progress, I started to look within and came up with a plan to keep it moving. That shit didn’t happen overnight, and I’m still going through some shit right now, but nothing is stopping me from trying to get where I am destined to go. This leads us into the next quote…
Quote 2: “All my life I had to fight.” You damn skippy. You will have to fight for whatever you want in life. We all can’t be Reginae Carter and run to Toya, Tiny, Lil Wayne, and our hood ass cousins to fight our battles. Who knows what you will have to fight and how you will have to fight them. At some point you will have to stop running around the ring like Floyd Mayweather and go head to head in a drag out fight for your life. Stay in training, equipped and ready to go at any moment.
Quote 3: “I loves Harpo, God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead 'fo I let him beat me.” There will be people in your life that your heart will refuse to let go. People that serve no purpose, that are only there to weigh you down and keep you from reaching your full potential. You need to kill those people before they kill you and your dreams. Lawd knows that it will hurt like hell, but at some point you will realize that you have done the right thing. Your life will thank you later for it.


Quote 4: “Sat in that jail, I sat in that jail til I near about done rot to death. I know what it like to wanna go somewhere and cain't. I know what it like to wanna sing... and have it beat out 'ya. I want to thank you, Miss Celie, fo everything you done for me. I 'members that day in the store with Miss Millie - I's feelin' real down. I's feelin' mighty bad. And when I seed you - I know'd there is a God. I know'd there is a God.” Tell your friends that you love them and tell them why you love them. Surround yourself with people that want nothing from you. Surround yourself with people that want you to win. Be supportive to someone. You may have what others may need: a word of comfort, a shoulder to lean on, a scripture to live on, and an ear to do nothing but listen. Live and give without expectations. Trust me, you never know when the smallest thing you do may be the biggest thing to someone else. Try it, do something for someone today.
Quote 5: “See Daddy, sinners have souls too.” At the end of the day, we all want to be loved. We all want to be accepted for who and what we are. And for the most part, we all want our parents and family to be proud of us. When you lose the support of your family, that creates a hurt. A hurt deep within the bowels of your soul and it’s a hurt like no other. Sometimes, you will have to just know that family may not fully understand you, your moves, and motives, but they love you. They just may not know how to show it and maybe one day, they too will see your soul.

Quote 6: “HELL NO.” Just as calm as Sophia said it, you too will have to stand up, push your shoulders back, and hit them with a “HELL NO.” Nothing kills a person more than you showing them that they are a non mutha fucking factor. Especially when they are TRULY A NON MUTHA FUCKING FACTOR. Then you sit back and watch them lose their mind. Sanity is the one of the most important things you can ever have in this life, so never let someone take that from you.
Quote 7: “I'm poor, black, I might even be ugly, but dear God, I'm here. I'm here. You being here is no mistake. Your purpose here is no mistake. There is a divine plan for you and your life. The journey of life to figure out what that plan is. You may not be as rich as Jay Z and you may not ever be on the cover of Paper Magazine, but acknowledge your creator and know that you are here for a specific reason. You aren’t going anywhere. Until death comes knocking at your door, you have the opportunity to let others know that you are here and you will be recognized. Make them see you.

I will leave you guys with my favorite and last quote.
Quote 8: “I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. People think pleasing God is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.” I won’t even try to break this one down. Just look around you right now, really, stop reading and look at your life. Now tell me that God isn’t trying to please you right now. Let me know what you come up with. Live and live abundantly. Bask in the presence of the gifts that the creator has given us.

 

Sophistication:

Learning to navigate the thing we call life with clarity

Ratchetness:

Doing it with movie quotes

Now put them together… Sophisticated Ratchetness!!

 


 

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Bum B*tches Be Winning!!


Now since Scandal has gone off, I can write this blog post in peace. Lawd wasn’t it good though. Anyway, in the words of Dr. Now, “How y’all doing?” I know I’ve been gone since Naomi Campbell’s edges but I’m back and decided to drop you guys a piece of my life. There is so much I want to tell you, but now is not the time to do so. Just know that I have been in the midst of embarking on something that has taken me to the highest peak of happiness to the valleys of emotional Hell. Everything happens for a reason and I’m learning that the journey to greatness isn’t navigated by Google Maps. Trust and believe, when the time is right, I will share everything with you. Meanwhile, as always, I’m not a writer and this is written from the heart so suck it up and bear with these mistakes if you find any, you’ll live! Now, let’s get into it.
 
If you have learned anything from following this blog, then you should know that I am a big advocate for Mental Health. Our community needs to learn that seeing a professional is not something to take likely and it’s definitely not something to look down upon. I know we have our Gawd and I know that Jesus will always work it out, but there’s nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist while he does. I have been going to a psychologist regularly for the last 4 or 5 years and I take my crazy pill every morning before I get up and deal with you people. Without my pill and a scheduled appointment with Rose Nylund, I would be hell on wheels, I mean worse than I am today. Those who knew me 10 years ago can tell you what a normal day with Duke was like. If you think I am bad now, multiply that shit by 10 thousand and that would be a calm day for me. Even with all of my progress, I have to realize that my mental health is a daily struggle and I have to be aware of my surroundings or a Bum Bitch will discredit all the work that I have put in over the last 5 years, and that’s exactly what happened last week. Are you ready? IT’S STORY TIME.
 
Disclaimer: For those that already know this story, mostly my family, I am sorry you had to be a witness to it. If any of your feelings were hurt, that was truly not my intent. What I said and did was meant for that person and that person alone. If you feel some kind of way, that is your right to feel, and I will never negate that, but I need to break away from you all. I love you and I wish the best for you. At this moment Facebook and Instagram may be our only form of keeping in touch. This has nothing to do with any of you, but I have learned that I am still working on me and unless I randomly walk into you at Wal-Mart or somebody funeral, I don’t plan on seeing any of you in person any time soon. My heart and mind is too protected again. So I will leave you with this post from my social media page:
 
Ok, now that is out of the way, I totally lost it last week. I was accused of being shady and was called out publically for doing so. That is amazing, because anyone that knows me, knows that I will tell you directly how I feel about you or something that you have did. Most of the time, I don’t even care to speak my feelings and the other times I just don’t care about you. Lol. I mean, harsh, but true. See, here’s where the problem began. I am not the Duke of 10 years or 20 years ago, where you can say anything you want and think I won’t respond for whatever reason. I am not the Duke that gets hurt from your negative words. I am not the Duke that will let you diminish or try to damage me in any kind of way. So the bitch had to get it. And this ladies and gentlemen is when the Bum Bitch won. Not because she was right or that her words were extremely harsh. Hell I have been called worse and shaded by better. Not many, but some.  Hell I’ve been called worse by other members in my family. Hell since I could remember or knew what half of these words meant, I heard them come out the mouths of those that were supposed to love and care about me. Fat. Gay. Weak. Fag. Sissy. Fat Ass. Ugly. Bitch. Nasty. Stanky. Sloppy. Lazy. SWEET, which is what she decided to call me this time, and SO MUCH MORE.

She won when I let my emotions over take me and decided to respond in way that disregarded everything I was working on. What I have learned over the last year or so, is that I control my reactions to anything that may happen. I can’t say, “I did this because you did…” At some point, I have to take responsibility of my actions and that is what I wake up every day and focus on. But on that day, my mind was in 40 other locations and TODAY WAS NOT THE DAY. But listen, the crazy part about all of this, I responded, read it back to myself and LAUGHED. I truly laughed. I was like, “Damn, you ok?” All this over $2 dollars!! Sounds petty right. I laughed because 1, I thought my response was funny. 2, the bitch called me SWEET. I mean, SWEET. Is that the best she could have done? I was disappointed in the comeback. It was like a chopped and screwed auto tuned version of the auto tuned version of the dis track that Nicki put out for Remy. Just late and lack lustered. Hell I can do I better job shading myself writing this blog than she could in the midst of her so called anger. Again, all this over $2!! 2 damn dollars!! I mean what’s $2 to a broke bitch. Hell, I don’t know. I aint broke. Just like I don’t eat rice, oatmeal, grits, and top ramen, those are tools of the broke and I know nothing about them. Lol. Do you know? Maybe she does.
 
I say all of this to say, that even with all the words that one could think of saying or calling me, a big fat sweet HIV having fag ass bitch, at the end of the day I’m still here. Do you have any idea of what that makes me? That makes me a survivor of the unimaginable. That makes me stronger than I was yesterday because I got up today and kept it moving. That makes me powerful. More powerful than I have ever been. Just like a stated in my Facebook Post:


And with that being said, please remember than Bum Bitches were put on this earth to drain you of your natural power and you will have to fight daily to win. Not with them, but with yourself.
What I write in this blog and share with you guys are things that I am going thru and I hope that it somehow helps someone in their journey or at least give you a laugh or two. This life we are living is hard in so many ways and we don’t have to go thru this alone. I am not a psychologist and don’t have plans to be in my near future. I human, I am struggle, I am everything that I was never meant to be, but I am finding my way to person I am supposed to be and I need help to do so.
I pray that you all are striving and growing to be the person that you are meant to be as well. If you are struggling, please seek help. You don’t have to do this alone; I don’t want you to this alone. Find your journey to winning. Hell, sometimes I don’t even know if I’m on any journey, but I know that each day I wake up is an opportunity to win. Stand at the finish line with me.
 
Sophistication:
 
Using company EAP to start seeing a psychologist to help you thru life, and contacting your insurance provider to get that psychologist approved to be on your medical team
 
Ratchetness:
Telling your psychologist to code your spouse and child under your name so that you all can see the psychologist on the same co-pay
 
NOW PUT THEM TOGETHER... SOPHISTICATED RATCHETNESS!!
 
 
 
Sincerely Yours,
Duke R. de la S.
 

Friday, December 30, 2016

2016, BYE BITCH!


Greetings People,

I know I have been gone for a minute, but I was out here trying to share the love and blessings this holiday season. I hope you did too! As the year comes to a close, my BooThang had the great idea of writing a letter to 2016 to bring in 2017. I too thought it was a great idea so I did. With the year I have had, I thought it would be a great way to bring some closure. And it did. I have decided to share it with you. When I started this blog, it was supposed to be an outlet to release my thoughts and emotions. You guys will never know much this blog has help me throughout this year. If that was a word 10 times better than, cathartic, it still would not have the power to fully express what this blog has been for me. I wish you all the best in 2017. With that being said, I present to you the last blog post for this year. Thoughtfully entitled…. 2016, BYE BITCH!
Dear 2016,

Come on in the room and sit right next to me, we have some things to talk about. See I thought we were going to be good and shade the masses together but I see that you had other plans. But it’s cool, there’s a reason and a season for everything and ever body and your season is about to be over in like 3 days. So in the words of Bernadine GET CHO SHIT! GET CHO SHIT! AND GET OUT! But hold on, I ain’t done…
 
I thought the year was going to be great. My job was on point. My friends were getting married and shit. I was gearing up for my annual birthday trip and was about to make some major moves. But you killed that shit real quick. Had me all down to the Punta Cana bout to die and shit. Tried to have my kinfolks keep me down there in some hospital where I couldn’t even drink the water. I mean I had all the ocean and beach I wanted and couldn’t even step outside. Oh but bitch I made it back to these United States of America. Though it was the longest plane ride I have ever took in my life. And that walk to customs damn near had me dead to the wheelchair. And while we are talking about it, Hartsfield Jackson International Airport, yall got to do something about that customs shit. You got to walk the entire way to Birmingham just to show a passport for 3 seconds. Hell I could have taken a whole new trip to another country and back and people would still be making their way to that damn picture kiosk. And why do we even have that damn picture kiosk if I still got to hand this damn piece of paper to a real ass person just for them to look at me and nod their head. Bitch I ain’t trying to be nobody’s terrorists, unless they giving out some free chicken and ribs. Man if I was a terrorist, I wouldn’t even have the strength enough to do anything after that walk. Or maybe that’s the point. CLEVER. Anyway 2016, I done got all off topic and shit. Back to your bitch ass.

I now see that you and your boy 2015 were trying to plot on a nigga. He sent you to finish what he started huh? Meanwhile, I ‘m still here hoe! Your weak ass plan failed. Cause I’m still Biker Shuffling on your ass. So you attacked my body. That’s cool. I still made it. I still JuJu on that Beat in the mirror. But you definitely left your mark, and I’m reminded of it every day when I take my Genvoya. Oh yes bitch! I’m down to one pill a day! Yes nigga, these kidneys are flourishing. Yes these T-Cells are rising a Phoenix. Yes this viral load is damn near nonexistent like Lil Kim’s old face. Yes these tumors are non-cancerous. See when your boy 2015 hit me, I staggered a little bit and found my footing, but you came in for the knockout punch. So thank you for my AIDS diagnosis and those 2 T-Cells you left me with. Thank you for those failed kidneys. Thank you for the tumors in my colon. Thank you for the 22 pills I had to take daily. Thank you for the mental anguish that I to deal with. Thank you for tears that streamed down my face. Thank you for the feelings of hopelessness and abandonment. Thank you. Your tunneled vision saw me as a tree but you missed the forest surrounding me. You missed my friends and family that stood beside me. You missed my mother-in-law and your specialized nursing. You missed my friends that rallied around me and took pictures with me while I laid in the hospital bed. You missed my family in Christ that prayed for me. You missed my daughter and my will to see her outside of the hospital. You missed my BooThang pushing me beyond my limits. You missed my medical team and all my Piedmont Hospital family. You missed my Psychiatric team. Bitch YOU MISSED!
2016 you have been the absolute worst thing that has ever happened in my life, but just like many others, I had to find the beauty in you. I see your potential. I see your light. I saw my friends getting married. I saw my friends getting engaged. I see my new position and my pay increase. I see new babies being brought in this world. I saw my cheer daughters win championships. I see the smiles and the laughs and the joy that the day brings. I SEE YOU. ALL OF YOU. And you know what, I’m really not mad at you.

Though some days are better than others and I still cry sometimes, 2016, you have made me so much better. You have given me a sense of ultimate freedom that no one can take. I have a new sense of boldness that my family and friends may not be ready for. I have a new sense of me. And if I don’t take anything else from you this year, I take me, all of me.  At the end of the day, well year, you stopped nothing. My life continues. My joy flourishes. My heart flutters. And 2016, you will soon be a thing of the past. I salute you and I leave you with this quote from my Instagram page:
 
So.... today I realized that I have smile and laughed more than I have cried. I've seen friends get married and watched other excelled in many aspects of their life. I coached 17 young ladies and watched them cheer to victory. I've been able to be a blessing to some families this holiday season and even gotten another raise at the job. I've gotten some things off my chest, and though I've been hurt and maybe have hurt other people, my black boy joy is flourishing. So I'm gonna focus on life there after and my future in it. So Julyda27th will be no more. I will simply be Issac. And you know what, I'm glad to meet and be him.
 
To those that I have hurt during this year, I am truly sorry. For those that have had the worst possible year ever, I pray with you. For those that strive to be better in the New Year, I stand with you. For those that want nothing but an abundance of life, I live with you. 2016, sir, you may take your exit, curtain call, and standing ovation. And then you can ride off into the sunset and our distant memories. You have left your mark, with time and Palmer’s CoCo butter, your marks and blemishes will soon fade away. I won’t say that I will miss you, but there will always be a tiny piece of you in my heart.
 
With the Biggest Smile and the Most Content Heart,
Duke R. de la S.
 

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

BITCH I'M BACK!


 
What up, people!? Did y’all miss me? I know y’all did. Anyway, excuse me for taking a whole month off without giving you a new blog post. Thank you for your patience. I mean you really had no choice… because I mean… what else can you do? Lol. Anyway, if you read the last blog, then you already know how emotionally draining it was and I needed a moment to get back to myself. Plus, I ain’t have much to say and I don’t want to feed y’all little bits and pieces of useless blog posts that mean nothing to me or you. Mostly to me, but I thought about y’all, too. So, now that I’m back. Let the fuckery begin!!

 
So much has happened in the last month, where do we begin… I guess we can start with my passion… COOKING! Yes, I’m back in the kitchen trying new things and new recipes. I've even catered two events in the last month. FatBoy BBQ and Catering is still in business and still making moves. We’ve  got two more events coming up and currently in the midst of planning them now. Meanwhile, have you guys checked out toy2theworld.com? Click the link, donate some money, tell your friends and then bring your ass right back over here and finish reading this post!! I ain’t playing either. If I hurry up, I can drop this blog later today. I know some of y’all got paid today because it’s payday. It’s the middle of the month and most of your bills should be paid so gone and drop a $100 donation. Yes, I’m all in your pockets and finances lol. Beyonce’ ain’t taking your rent money anymore and you should be caught up by now. And since I’m international now, yep I see my readers over there in China, Indonesia, Japan and Brazil, y’all can donate too! Shameless promotions… yea, y’all are here for it. You don’t have a choice! Plus, PayPal knows how to convert your yens and euros to these good old American dollars.
 
I also have a new psychologist. I still like the old one, but I believe he took me as far as our relationship could go. Plus, I owe him like $200 and my EAP just renewed. Finesse. And I need someone who can take me to infinity and beyond. But, I guess Buzz Lightyear is just a fictional character on a scary movie. Have you guys really looked at the undertones of those movies? That bear in the last movie was a little much and didn’t they almost cremate his ass at the end. That’s some scary movie shit. Well, back to my psychologist… Her name is Ms. Ann and she might be one of the funniest non-funniest people I know. She’s the type where literally everything goes over her head until you fully explain it to her. She’s like Rose Nylund without the… wait, she’s IS just like Rose Nylund, but she challenges me and gets me all in my emotions and shit. I hate her. Not really, but I do. I don’t… Maybe. See… my emotions… My last blog post was so cathartic, that I have really been on an upswing with my feelings and emotions. And for some reason, I have been the most open and honest than I have ever been in my life, which I guess is a good thing for me. A not so good thing for others, but they will live. She has me reading The Seven Seasons of the Man in the Mirror. Though I’ve only read a couple of chapters, I can see myself already. Let’s hope Ms. Ann is prepared for this rollercoaster that we call Duke. That guh is about to lose all her edges.
 
 
Oh, and I’m technically a winning cheer coach now. Lawd, don’t even ask me how and why. Just know I have 17 menstruating preteen girls, including my own, that make me want to slap them and their parents. I have never seen so much devilment in my life. These girls are something else. You would think these pretty devil spawns would have the spirits of every Dementor that every appeared in Harry Potter and my “Expectp Patronum” spell has to be on crack and meth to remotely deter their will to suck the soul out of me. Let me stop playing, they aren’t that bad, but damn near close. Lol. I have seen them at their worst and best. I’ve made them cry and laugh. I’ve hurt their feelings and apologized for it. They’ve been at my house. They’ve spent my money, took my time and energy. I have screamed and hollered. So have they. They’ve taught me how to JuJu on that Beat and Get Turnt Up. I can now Hit Them Folks with the best of them and know all the ratchet dances of Atlanta. I have watched them grow over the last 3 years. Seen them come in dead last to defending champs. I have pushed them to their limits and been the wind beneath their Dementor cloaks. They are my babies, my cheer daughters, and I will fight anyone over them. Fuck with them if you want, you will see this teddy bear turn grizzly real quick. I am Coach Issac. Coach J. THE CHEER DAD, yes all caps, they are the Fayette County Torches, and I am proud.

 


 
I figured I would end this post with my thoughts on the election. Hell, everyone else has so here it goes. Did I like the candidates? No. Did I still vote? Yes. There were more on the ballot than just the presidency. There were some amendments that I felt strongly about and I wanted my voice to be heard. Was I upset that Trump won? Yes, I didn’t know Cheetos could be president. Am I still upset? No. This country is still racist, sexist, and not a place for the poor and the minority. Did we need a presidential election to tell us that? If you did, you are crazier than all outdoors. Damn that was country. This is the way I see it, I will continue to get up every morning and go to work. I will continue to teach my child that life isn’t fair and that she will have to work twice as hard to get half of what some of the others may get. I will still be out here Ubering on the weekends and tutoring during the week. I will continue to pray to God that these kidneys, mind, and body stay healthy. I will continue to shade whatever foolishness that crosses my path. And I will always be Duke. Now if for whatever reason any of those things change, trust and believe that it will have nothing to do with who is in office. I’m more concerned with why I couldn’t watch “This is Us” while the results were coming in. Meanwhile, check that show out too. That’s good TV right there. I’m about to start a new position at the job and get to this money. Hell, I’m really hoping that since Trump is the new president-elect, I can get a tax cut. My household has been in a different tax bracket for the last 7 years and I’m tired of paying the IRS money every year. But again, if that doesn’t happen, I will continue to give them this funky ass $50 and renew that payment plan every year. Please and thank you! Process this election in whatever way gives you the comfort that your spirit needs. Give people the time and space to grieve, some of them are really hurt and scared and I get it. I’m slightly scared; I won’t lie like I’m not. I’ve accepted that and my spirit is well with it. Hopefully everyone will get to that same space soon.
 
 
As I leave, I do want to leave you guys with a Duke’s Direct Message:
WE are not our ancestors. WE will not tolerate whatever sense of entitlement you think this election has given you. WE will continue to protest. WE will continue to fight. WE will be on edge and ready to pop off. WE are tired of hashtags. WE will be alright. WE will survive. WE WILL CONTINUEWE. WILL. CONTINUE.
 
 
Sophistication:
Completing the proper FMLA paperwork to cover your absences from your place of employment

Ratchet:
Feeling like JoAnn the Scammer because you know you can take an extended Thanksgiving and Christmas vacation from the job and they can’t fire you because you got FMLA

NOW PUT THEM TOGETHER.... SOPHISTICATED RATCHETNESS!!
 
 
 

Sincerely Yours,

Duke R. de la S.

 
 

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Untold Secrets

*THIS POST DEALS WITH SEXUAL ASSAULT*

Greetings and good afternoon people. It has been a minute since I have last posted. Life has been going pretty easy and it’s not that I didn’t want to write a post, I just wanted to make sure that when I post, it is authentic and coming from a place of true emotions and heart. I also wanted this blog to be an inspiration to someone out there that may need some encouragement or strength to be who and what they are. I’ve realized that I am not my brother’s keeper, I am my brother. Yes, Yes, Yes, I have been tuned into Iyanla. I wish that guh would just come and fix my life. Lawd knows I need someone to. Well anyway, there’s something that’s been weighing me down for years. I mean YEARS.

I have always said that I have done some things in my life that I would never let anyone know. Well, I broke that rule and release something to someone close to me in a time of weakness. Pretty much around this time last year when I was in the hospital or recuperating from it. What I did not know, that today was going to be the day that that person would try to use it against me. Trust and believe, it will not happen again. My truth will never stand in my way.

*ALMOST TWO HOURS LATER. THINKING. CRYING. GETTING THE COURAGE TO SEE IF I WANTED TO CONTINUE WITH THIS POST. I HAVE DECIDED THAT I WILL. THERE WILL BE NO MORE PICS PAST THIS POINT BECAUSE I WANT TO GET THIS OUT BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND. I ALSO WON’T EDIT FROM THIS POINT BECAUSE I DON’T THINK I WILL HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ THRU THIS AGAIN. AND I WILL NOT BE SENDING THIS TO MY PROOFREADERS. SO BEAR WITH ME THRU THE TEARS AND EMOTIONS. DAMN, ALL CAPS HUH…. MY BAD. AND IM STILL TYPING IN ALL CAPS. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING…*

My friends all know that I hate to be touched. I will tolerate a quick brother hug or a nice side hug. If I ever give you a full embrace, it’s because I trust you and you have put in the time an energy to accept that I’m weird with that. I literally cringe and my anxiety level shoots through the roof when people get too close too quick. And there’s a very valid reason why. I was raped. Breathe Issac. Wow. My real name. This is spiraling. BREATHE.

When I moved I moved to the big city of Atlanta, GA, I was fully ready to experience new people and new things. I mean I love Mississippi with all of my heart, but I needed to explore. I needed to get away from being closed in. But that didn’t happen right away because the job I got, came with room and board, so when I drove overnight to my new home. I hit I-20 West, to 285 North, to I-85 North to Suwannee, GA. Hell I bypassed ALL of Atlanta. Being stuck in Suwannee, I didn’t really experience much past what I experienced in Mississippi. Move forward a year and I decided to attend Georgia State University to finish up my Bachelor Degree in Childhood Education. Talk about a culture SHOCK! If you really want to see what Atlanta is really about, jump on the Marta at the Doraville Station and ride down to 5 Points three times a week. I was not ready. Not ready.

One day, I was walking to class from 5 Points as I usually did and was approached by a random ass dude that was like, “What up man?” Of course thinking nothing of it, I responded back and kept it moving. He then stopped me again and gave me a business card and I asked if I needed anything to call him. Confused, I was like “OK…” and kept it moving again. Niggas is crazy in these streets. Funny thing, I always saw this same guy randomly at GSU. I assume that he went to school too. GSU is one of the most diverse schools in the nation. We have a plethora of different people from different places of different ages and stages of life, one of the things that attracted me to the school. So again, I thought nothing of it.

Maybe a year after, I lost my job and was extremely low on money. I was getting unemployment but that shit wasn’t much. Check advances and Title Max became my best friends and over drafting my Bank of America account was normal. But I told no one. My pride and ego wouldn’t let me. On top of that, my roommate moved in the middle of the lease and I was really up shit’s creek. I was still going to school and trying to make something happen, plus I had no choice because my professor had to sign off on that unemployment form so I could get my check every week. I also had to stay in good standing to get that damn refund check. I guess I was really stressing one day and it had to be posted all over my face that I was going through it. I was approached by the same dude and he asked was I ok. In a moment of weakness, I let everything out. This dude was technically still a stranger, but in my eyes, he didn’t know me. I didn’t have to front for him or make myself look better than what I was going through. I didn’t care. He offered to buy me lunch and I took the hell out of that offer. Again, those unemployment checks weren’t shit and my big ass needed to eat. During lunch, he told me that he had been watching me and how I interacted with my friends and people in general. He said he liked my personality and my confidence and I always looked put together. He then asked me why I never called him. I told him that I threw his card away as soon as I left. He then told me I was cute. And I then told him, thank you for lunch and got up to leave. He asked me not to go, and that he had a way to help me out financially. Hmmmmmmm, insert the “really nigga” meme. I’m listening. He was a recruiter for an escort service.

Breathe again….

He told me that all I had to do was be myself. Go to the movies. Go to dinners. Make people laugh and experience Atlanta on their dime and get paid doing it. I was cute, dressed nice, funny, and for a big dude keep my appearances up. Untypical of the normal fat dude. I was the niche he needed to fill a clientele. Long story short, I did it. I didn’t find too many people who gave me these compliments when I was in Mississippi, so my ego and psyche ate it up. I indulged in it. I was likeable and requested. And I didn’t have to lose my virtue while doing it. I mostly went out with the typical “I’m too busy for a relationship, but I don’t want to be alones.” It was good, I was back on my feet and making things happen. Though, I would disappear at random hours of the night. Didn’t have a job, but always had money. And drowned my emotions in weed and Everclear.

One night, dinner turned into drinks that turned into an afterparty that turned into my trust being lost in the dark… No details needed. I left hurt, confused, lost, alone and abandoned. Weed, Everclear, tears, repeat. I never reported it. How could I? I’ve seen Law and Order: SVU. I know how this turns out. I didn’t need it happening again. Who would believe me? This would be my plight and my secret forever. My fault and my consequence. My burden to bear. Needless to say, I am still not over and I would like to say that each day gets better. It doesn’t. I just get up and add it to my list to give to my therapist. But tonight I’m hurt, confused, lost, alone and abandoned all over again. I’m sure I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight. Probably pop a blue pill and a Percocet and sleep until the Lawd blesses my eyes to open.

I write this because I am tired of things in my life controlling me. As I take back my life, I hope that this gives someone the encouragement to take theirs back as well. Sometimes I hide and guard my heart with shade and meanness, but it’s a coping mechanism. I’ve spent many years being looked at as an asshole. Believe me, I know this, I can be. It’s just something that I have become comfortable with. If this blog post finds you, I hope that this helps you or someone you know. I am not the only one that has been through this, I won’t be the last. I am still a work in progress and will continue to be. I just ask that we look deeper into the lives of the love ones around us. We are acting out for a reason. For me, my last semester at GSU resulted in complete failure in all my classes, academic probation, and I have been stripped of all government financial aid, the fear of people touching me and the damage I do to my relationships because of it. I’m exhausted. This will be the first and last time.

Sincerely Yours,
Duke R. de la S.