Now since Scandal has gone off, I can write this blog post
in peace. Lawd wasn’t it good though. Anyway, in the words of Dr. Now, “How y’all
doing?” I know I’ve been gone since Naomi Campbell’s edges but I’m back and decided
to drop you guys a piece of my life. There is so much I want to tell you, but now
is not the time to do so. Just know that I have been in the midst of embarking
on something that has taken me to the highest peak of happiness to the valleys
of emotional Hell. Everything happens for a reason and I’m learning that the
journey to greatness isn’t navigated by Google Maps. Trust and believe, when
the time is right, I will share everything with you. Meanwhile, as always, I’m
not a writer and this is written from the heart so suck it up and bear with
these mistakes if you find any, you’ll live! Now, let’s get into it.
If you have learned anything from following this blog, then
you should know that I am a big advocate for Mental Health. Our community needs
to learn that seeing a professional is not something to take likely and it’s
definitely not something to look down upon. I know we have our Gawd and I know
that Jesus will always work it out, but there’s nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist
while he does. I have been going to a psychologist regularly for the last 4 or
5 years and I take my crazy pill every morning before I get up and deal with
you people. Without my pill and a scheduled appointment with Rose Nylund, I
would be hell on wheels, I mean worse than I am today. Those who knew me 10
years ago can tell you what a normal day with Duke was like. If you think I am
bad now, multiply that shit by 10 thousand and that would be a calm day for me.
Even with all of my progress, I have to realize that my mental health is a
daily struggle and I have to be aware of my surroundings or a Bum Bitch will
discredit all the work that I have put in over the last 5 years, and that’s exactly
what happened last week. Are you ready? IT’S STORY TIME.
Disclaimer: For those that already know this story, mostly
my family, I am sorry you had to be a witness to it. If any of your feelings
were hurt, that was truly not my intent. What I said and did was meant for that
person and that person alone. If you feel some kind of way, that is your right
to feel, and I will never negate that, but I need to break away from you all. I
love you and I wish the best for you. At this moment Facebook and Instagram may
be our only form of keeping in touch. This has nothing to do with any of you,
but I have learned that I am still working on me and unless I randomly walk
into you at Wal-Mart or somebody funeral, I don’t plan on seeing any of you in
person any time soon. My heart and mind is too protected again. So I will leave
you with this post from my social media page:
Ok, now that is out of the way, I totally lost it last week.
I was accused of being shady and was called out publically for doing so. That is
amazing, because anyone that knows me, knows that I will tell you directly how I
feel about you or something that you have did. Most of the time, I don’t even
care to speak my feelings and the other times I just don’t care about you. Lol.
I mean, harsh, but true. See, here’s where the problem began. I am not the Duke
of 10 years or 20 years ago, where you can say anything you want and think I won’t
respond for whatever reason. I am not the Duke that gets hurt from your
negative words. I am not the Duke that will let you diminish or try to damage
me in any kind of way. So the bitch had to get it. And this ladies and gentlemen
is when the Bum Bitch won. Not because she was right or that her words were
extremely harsh. Hell I have been called worse and shaded by better. Not many,
but some. Hell I’ve been called worse by
other members in my family. Hell since I could remember or knew what half of
these words meant, I heard them come out the mouths of those that were supposed
to love and care about me. Fat. Gay. Weak. Fag. Sissy. Fat Ass. Ugly. Bitch.
Nasty. Stanky. Sloppy. Lazy. SWEET, which is what she decided to call me this
time, and SO MUCH MORE.
She won when I let my emotions over take me and decided to respond in way that disregarded everything I was working on. What I have learned over the last year or so, is that I control my reactions to anything that may happen. I can’t say, “I did this because you did…” At some point, I have to take responsibility of my actions and that is what I wake up every day and focus on. But on that day, my mind was in 40 other locations and TODAY WAS NOT THE DAY. But listen, the crazy part about all of this, I responded, read it back to myself and LAUGHED. I truly laughed. I was like, “Damn, you ok?” All this over $2 dollars!! Sounds petty right. I laughed because 1, I thought my response was funny. 2, the bitch called me SWEET. I mean, SWEET. Is that the best she could have done? I was disappointed in the comeback. It was like a chopped and screwed auto tuned version of the auto tuned version of the dis track that Nicki put out for Remy. Just late and lack lustered. Hell I can do I better job shading myself writing this blog than she could in the midst of her so called anger. Again, all this over $2!! 2 damn dollars!! I mean what’s $2 to a broke bitch. Hell, I don’t know. I aint broke. Just like I don’t eat rice, oatmeal, grits, and top ramen, those are tools of the broke and I know nothing about them. Lol. Do you know? Maybe she does.
She won when I let my emotions over take me and decided to respond in way that disregarded everything I was working on. What I have learned over the last year or so, is that I control my reactions to anything that may happen. I can’t say, “I did this because you did…” At some point, I have to take responsibility of my actions and that is what I wake up every day and focus on. But on that day, my mind was in 40 other locations and TODAY WAS NOT THE DAY. But listen, the crazy part about all of this, I responded, read it back to myself and LAUGHED. I truly laughed. I was like, “Damn, you ok?” All this over $2 dollars!! Sounds petty right. I laughed because 1, I thought my response was funny. 2, the bitch called me SWEET. I mean, SWEET. Is that the best she could have done? I was disappointed in the comeback. It was like a chopped and screwed auto tuned version of the auto tuned version of the dis track that Nicki put out for Remy. Just late and lack lustered. Hell I can do I better job shading myself writing this blog than she could in the midst of her so called anger. Again, all this over $2!! 2 damn dollars!! I mean what’s $2 to a broke bitch. Hell, I don’t know. I aint broke. Just like I don’t eat rice, oatmeal, grits, and top ramen, those are tools of the broke and I know nothing about them. Lol. Do you know? Maybe she does.
I say all of this to say, that even with all the words that
one could think of saying or calling me, a big fat sweet HIV having fag ass
bitch, at the end of the day I’m still here. Do you have any idea of what that
makes me? That makes me a survivor of the unimaginable. That makes me stronger
than I was yesterday because I got up today and kept it moving. That makes me
powerful. More powerful than I have ever been. Just like a stated in my
Facebook Post:
And with that being said, please remember than Bum Bitches
were put on this earth to drain you of your natural power and you will have to
fight daily to win. Not with them, but with yourself.
What I write in this blog
and share with you guys are things that I am going thru and I hope that it
somehow helps someone in their journey or at least give you a laugh or
two. This life we are living is hard in so many ways and we don’t have to go
thru this alone. I am not a psychologist and don’t have plans to be in my near
future. I human, I am struggle, I am everything that I was never meant to be,
but I am finding my way to person I am supposed to be and I need help to do so.
I pray that you all are striving and growing to be the person that you are
meant to be as well. If you are struggling, please seek help. You don’t have to
do this alone; I don’t want you to this alone. Find your journey to winning.
Hell, sometimes I don’t even know if I’m on any journey, but I know that each
day I wake up is an opportunity to win. Stand at the finish line with me.
Sophistication:
Using company EAP to start seeing a psychologist to help you
thru life, and contacting your insurance provider to get that psychologist approved to be
on your medical team
Ratchetness:
Telling your psychologist to code your spouse and child under
your name so that you all can see the psychologist on the same co-pay
NOW PUT THEM TOGETHER... SOPHISTICATED RATCHETNESS!!
Sincerely Yours,
Duke R. de la S.
Duke R. de la S.
