Friday, August 19, 2016

Friendship is Essential to the Soul

Hey people! I hope that you are doing well and miss me just as much as I have missed you. Life is just as crazy as usual and these people are still getting on my nerves, but I'm not here to speak on them today. But don't you worry, there are enough dumb asses in the world for me to write a million blog posts, so trust, I'm going to get to them sooner than later. I PROMISE!! Today, I want to take the time to praise some great people in my life, MY FRIENDS!!! Believe me, if you think I'm bad, I have nothing on them! NOTHING!


Friendship is essential to the soul, #noQueDawg! It took me a long time to realize this but without them, I don't know how I would have gotten this far in my life. I was one of those people who would always say, "I don't need anyone but me!" That was a lie formulated from the bowels of hell. I needed my friends, and I still do. I will ride and die for each and every last one of them. Some more than others lol. If you know me, then you should know that I'm ready to have a "nigga moment" at any time when it comes to them. Matter of fact, there have been a couple of "nigga moments" that I'm still kinda pissed that I was apart of, but hell, if you can't go to Bella Noche's, where the hell can you go! That's what a real friend does. Accept your foolishness and cuss you out later for it, #trueStory.


*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT, NOT REALLY*

Bravis and WaTosha!! Wow the times and stories that we have shared over the years. We could have a comedy show that would never end. You guys have accepted every part of me and encouraged me to be better. I will always love you. Though we don't see each other often, I look forward to that Christmas meet and greet every year! Matter of fact, lets change that comedy show to a traveling food show, cause we can get to it! I wish you nothing but the best in everything you do. I pray for you two every night and my heart is elated when I am around you. If you ever wondered, where my shade skills came from, you can blame these two. Fat Rabbit Clique forever.

My GSU folks..... Fall 2005, changed my life forever. I truly never imagined the relationships that I would gain when I enrolled there. I promise you, I was a true commuter. I spent more time on Hwy 316 than I did in class. From SideBar Thursdays, to Sensational Sub Pitchers, to drunken Midday BBQ's, the random road trips, to marriages, kids, promotions, relocations and growing the hell up. You guys really showed me what friendship was all about. Diggles... there's no one like you. The Jamaican, Jonnel, so much I can say. Jahater, I know you hate that! The Frat, I ain't naming all of yall, but I'm proud of you. De and Byrone, I could never thank you enough. Foye and your bad knees, I appreciate you. And the rest of yall... I'm going to move on from yall cause I am already crying. The epitome of "When Friends Become Family".


My church friends, you make me do better. You make me want to do better. I'm a ratchet Christian and I think you guys get me. I'm still a work in progress and I know yall are reading this. I'll try to work on my language, some... a little... maybe... lol. Thank you for being there. We may not all still attend the same church, but you are all still in my heart. You guys are real and understanding and always point me back to the cross, even though I'm a hard head and don't listen sometimes. I do get it and I'm not mad at it. I just ask that you get off that "reply all" button, but I still love you, even if I have blocked you. That was for the benefit of me and your feelings! Or maybe because I'm petty and you have no choice but to deal, lol. Mangel and Pike thank you for everything you do.


Jerrance and Teff, yall already know so yall gets no shine here! We are due for a Dimension Round Table anyway.

My best friend. The one that I constantly argue with on a daily basis. Wary Might... you get on my nerves, but I love you more than this blog could ever convey. I know there are times that I don't show and tell you in the way I should, but I do love you. You do be getting on my nerves though. Yes, I said it twice, but you're one of my proofreaders and will probably remove this whole statement because you are just as shady and petty as I am. See, I've taught you well. Anyway, I know it's only because you truly want me to be the best man I can, even when you have no idea what the hell that is. I still don't know what that is. But, I guess we will find it together. Oh thank you for the concert tickets!! I'm going to see JILL AND CHRISETTE!!!


Without you people, my life would have been over a long time ago. Literally, you guys have talked me in off the ledge and circumvented a potential suicide. You have totally changed my life for the better. You have truly been essential to the saving of my soul. So, technically it is your fault that I am who I am. Congrats, you created a MONSTER!!

Now for a Duke's direct message:

Tonita and Bynerria, I don't know what I would do without yall on a daily basis! Meet my proofreaders. I should probably put them on payroll... nah, they good. I spend most of my life with these two, and they know me better than I know myself sometimes. Ms. Fix Your Face, I love you past our 40 hours a week. I'm praying for your dreams to come true. When they manifest, I will be one of your biggest supporters. We need people like you in the world. Ms. Bulldagging Ass, stay sweet and caring and continue to speak positivity in the world. I'll learn you some real shit before I leave this Earth. Thank you for listening and blessing me with that snort. You are like a little sister and I'll read and shade anyone you tell me to cause I love your heart. Thank both of yall for keeping my check direct deposited, cause you know, I've had my moments.

Sophistication:
Surrounding yourself with people, who want the best for you
Ratchet:
Sitting in the corner, and shading the masses
NOW PUT THEM TOGETHER.... THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS!!
 
 
Sincerely Yours,
Duke R. de la S.
 
 







Monday, August 1, 2016

CoCoa Puffs, Cymbalta, and 24 Hours to Life

Greetings and Salutations,
Soooooooooooooooooooooooo, I never start my day without my CoCoa Puffs and Cymbalta. I thoroughly enjoy both. Hell those CoCoa Puffs are just the best cereal ever created and that Cymbalta is everything I need to get through these days. It has been a very emotional and draining couple of weeks for me. DRAY NEEN! When I tell you that my emotions have been all over the place and shit just keeps getting thrown in the mix. But, the good thing about all of this is that I have finally come to the point of contentment and grace. Me and God have been having some heated conversations and arguments. I have realized that his grace was, is, and will always be sufficient even in the times where I'm lying in bed crying uncontrollably, feeling alone and abandoned. You remember when I told yall I was gonna get real with yall about my feelings and life, well get ready cause here it goes....
Picture it, Sicily, 1939.... lol. No seriously though, Sunday July 26th, I woke and got up to go to the bathroom. I stand up and immediately hit the floor. Bodily functions doing their own thing. I lay there, covered in everything that I despise. Weakness. Neediness. Fear. Uncertainty. Confusion. Shit and Piss. Thank God for surrounding me with great people who stepped in and took care of me. This doesn't just happen once, but 3 times. What the hell is going on!? Today is just full of shit, literally. Ok, Duke, you're clearly sick. Get in the bed and stay there.

Monday, July 27th. I wake up, still sick, worse than the day before. I get help and make my way downstairs and lay on the couch. I'm fed crackers and Gatorade. Crackers and more Gatorade. Crackers. Gatorade. In the midst, I can't physically stand, literally crawling to the bathroom and back. Crackers. Gatorade. Dizziness. Nausea. Sleep. I spend hours on the couch. I wake up and ask for help to the bathroom. I'm lifted off the couch and pass out. In and out of consciousness... 3 white men.... stretcher... ambulance... hot... EXTREMELY HOT... voices.... more voices... I want to go home... why the fuck is it so hot?...

I wake up in the hospital. Frantic white women... boo thang in the corner... IV's in both arms... blood pressure cuff hurts... more frantic white women... bags of fluids... SCARED... why is boo thang's face all pale?... why am I here?... I want to go home... 4 bags of fluids... no 6 bags of fluids... no 5 bags of fluids... why don't yall know this?... Frustrated... #QTNA... ER... blood pressure not reading... more fluids... central line... WHAT!?... damn that hurts... blood pressure still not reading... I want to go home... I want to go home NOW... tears... someone tell me something... they don't have the answers SWAY..." Mr. Morgan...." "Mr. Morgan, we need you to be still..." more tears... fear... blood pressure cuff still hurts... squeezes every 2 minutes... I want to go home... home... nurse speaks... "Good thing you came in when you did, you wouldn't have made it another day..." HUH?... "Mr. Morgan you aren't going anywhere soon. You're going to the ICU..." More tears...

Needless to say, the SCARIEST moment in my life, they diagnosed me with Rhabdomyolysis which sent my body into a septic shock.
Rhabdomyolysis is a serious syndrome due to a direct or indirect muscle injury. It results from the death of muscle fibers and release of their contents into the bloodstream. This can lead to complications such as renal (kidney) failure. This occurs when the kidneys cannot remove waste and concentrated urine. In rare cases, Rhabdomyolysis can even cause death. 
5 days in the hospital.

This is why you haven't received a blog post. Again, this has been an emotional couple of weeks. The one year anniversary of being given 24 hours to live has definitely been playing tricks on my mind. How do you live after hearing something like that? Did I just beat Death? Is Death coming back in the form of a speeding bus like the chick in Final Destination? Hell, knowing me, it would probably come back in the form of food poisoning in some ribs or chicken. To be honest, that trip to the ER was just the beginning of the most difficult year of my life. 5 months later I'm back in the hospital... Kidneys all the way jacked and life changing.

So forgive me for not posting my ratchet thoughts on the world and the things in it. I needed time to get myself right... mind, body, and soul. I want to thank my cousins for listening and still loving me. That cabin trip was everything that I needed. My big bro, Sir, thank you for having my back literally and holding me up when I thought I couldn't stand. My little bro, thanks for the verbal confirmation of my faith. Sometimes I forget. You always seem to amaze me in so many ways. I love you and your wife. My big sister, I promise to pick up the phone and check in... maybe, lol.

It's now August and the world is better and I will be ok. My emotions will always be crazy because my psychiatrist says I'm clinically depressed, but Cymbalta has become my best friend. Let me tell you, those 10 mgs a day put in WERK! OVA TYME! Thank you United Healthcare for making those pills FREE! My life is a lifetime movie I swear. Or maybe more of a dark comedy. Oh well, if it ever becomes a movie, just make sure that Anthony Anderson plays my character. I'm just gonna end this before I start crying again, which happens without warning sometimes. Mental illness is real in these streets and it took me 34 years to finally get mine in check. This year has been trying and I have put the people in my life through so much. For that, I'm sorry. I'll make yall some BBQ later. I am no longer wearing the mask that grins and lies, hides my cheeks, and shades my eyes. Yall are going to get the real me, flaws and all. Plus, have you seen how photogenic I am. Get you a piece! I have lived my life for the comfort and thoughts of others. I have made decisions for the benefit of those around me. But no more. When I leave my footprints in the sands of time, I want to leave them with no regrets. I would like to promise yall that I will do better and try to post every week again, but NAHHHHHHHHH! Just wait on it! For those who reached out to me during my absence, thank you. This blog has been a journey and I have enjoyed everything from it. Until next time... Peace and Blessings. CoCoa Puffs and Cymbalta. Ass and Tiddays. Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Sophistication:
Finding peace and understanding in your mental illness and disease
Ratchet:
Finding joy and strength in calling your medication, Crazy Pills
NOW PUT THEM TOGETHER.... SOPHISTICATED RATCHETNESS!!

Sincerely Yours,
Duke R. de la S.